i've changed ...

no longer the little girl i used to be
im full grown now you see
realizing that in order to make it
i have to be the woman that waits inside of me
that means understanding that some dreams may never come true
to provide for my kid
i have to do what i have to do
even if that means show off parts of my body
maybe even act a little naughty
for some extra change
but nothin strange goin on here
im full grown now
trying to ignore the self doubt
but it keeps on comin, comin, comin
no matter how fast im runnin
so i stopped running tonight
either i'll take flight
or i wont
giving up my dreams
letting go of my hopes
somebody else will have to save Haiti cuz according to everyone around me
i can't do it
and that makes me unbelievably sad
but i have to understand
that not everybody understands why i am the way i are
why id rather give my million dollar lotto winnings to Africa
than to buy a big fancy house and cars
so ill focus harder on me myself and i
instead of trying to force the world to view life through my eyes
cant everybody be on my level
so i guess i have to bring myself down a few notches ... or actually ten
guess i have to settle for the less
and simply play the cards ive been given
wish i had a comfort zone
somewhere to run and hide
someone to protect me when i feel the stress all across my hyde
arms to hold me tight
and tell me it will all be alright
but i cant even get a damn phone call
just ornery text messages
and although ive changed ...
its all my fault ...
as usual

*cue the fucking violins*

smoke & mirrors

it's hard to see the lights through all the fog
nobody ever mentioned that id have to squint my eyes the entire way to heaven
but it is what it is
so hard to give up the things that have become such a big part of me
have to relinquish the evil spirits
let the old me die
and fade away into the darkness they call the night
i am a daywalker now
walking barefoot on a path full of broken glass
pieces of mirrors, hennessy bottles, and hypodermic needles
pill boxes full of tiny white, blue, and orange pills
oh my heart be still
silence is golden
as is kharma
but slient kharma will kill a man
which makes it platinum with black diamond baguettes
let us rid them of their deception sticks
and their balls full of lies
give them pacifiers and coddle them like the babies they prove themselves to be
a man is only a reflection of his circumstances
but choice is always an option
being a good guy is so much harder than being a bad guy
therefore only a few take that road
its too hard they cry
had your heart broken too many times
well multiply it by a thousand and you still couldn't understand the pain endured by the rib who carried an entire body, mind, and soul in her uterus for nine months and counting
only for you to leave her
mentally, physically, and emotionally
for you to give her diseases
and resonate how worthless she is in your plight
no longer will she fight
letting go of hope
to faith, i stay holding on tight