suicidal

i committed suicide yesterday
it was easier than i thought
i just emptied the bottle
pill by pill
until i no longer felt distraught

i committed suicide last week
it just took a little pressure
pressed down hard on with the knife on my wrist
never had i felt fresher

i committed suicide last month
didnt even have to think
i put the chamber up to my skull
and waited for the trigger to clink

i committed suicide
in her arms i died
it was the hardest thing ive ever done
and for me ... she didnt even cry

and i cant blame her

grass aint always greener

ignorance and disobedience send me into a whirlwind of tragedy
catastrophe after catastrophe
its the blind leading the blind up in this piece
obama can't see no better than you or me
and he aint gonna end poverty
but folks seem to think he's the start
of a land full of white folks with big ol' hearts
the white bitch that birthed me, turned on me
so how i can i rely on anybody?
the deed has been done
i trust no one
well, other than the son and the sun
the son played it out perfectly
three, two, one
and i can count on the sun to burn through the ozone layer just like its supposed to
nobody has to say "i told you"
cuz we knew what it was gone do.

but you?
never that
tell me one thing
take it back
sell me a dream
realize im black
and just to get a rise in your pants
you watch the black girl cry
and then you take it back ...
again.

just like the forty acres and that mule my great great grand daddy never seen
and the crown you ripped from the head of the African queen
that i am ...
or rather
was supposed to be.

you and your baggy jeans
all on the hip hop scene
"I got that Busta! I got that T.I.! I got that Wayne!"
what you need to do is pick up a book
and feed your fuckin brain
stop trying to assimilate those that have been dubbed as American's stain
cuz at the end of the day
as hard as you try
the tribulations you go through are entirely different from mine
so you'll never understand what it is to be on this side
of the fence
don't take offense
i'm just being honest.

so understand that when i say that
you cant see me
and that you suck at trying to be me
it's actually because my ancestors were never seen
so i dont even know who im tryna be
cuz i have no idea where i come from
and that's why the grass has never been green
on this side of town

Red Lights ...

She fell and she couldn't get up
Stopped giving a fuck
She had no luck
And no one to trust
All she could ever depend on was lust
She brought it out of every man, woman, and child
Even drove animals wild
With her seductive style
And her Renaissance smile
SEX
Was what they saw, smelled, and felt all over her
She had no idea how or why
But when she looked into peoples eyes
SEX
All she's good for
A natural born whore
Good for nothing
Other than fucking
Cuz whats loving got to do with it?

Give thanks, Be Merry, ... and remember that your rent is still due January 1st

I'd like to wish everyone a very Happy holiday season this year full of joy, happiness, and cheer! I'd also like to remind everyone that Southern California Edison did indeed mail out electric bills this month along with your local gas company. Let's not have alllll the kids brand new PSP's to only be able to play in the dark ... and use them for lighting the path to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night.






Have a safe and happy holiday everyone!!

cool on me ...

Love totally sucks for me most times ... more tears than smiles ... more wasted time than significant miles ... hence all the dreary poetry lol. I'm over it ... just went over the shit I wrote and realized some of it was good enough to post here for my fam to read. Hit me on my aim ... (its a new one) : thephreshone ... and tell me what you think (outside of the fact that I always pick the crazy girls to fall in love with lol) :)

Cool on me

Oh, so now you cool on me?
You been cool on me unless it has something to do with YOUR enjoyment
Wasn't prepared for my deployment and now you mad cuz I'm hurt
How the fuck am I supposed to feel?
Just fuckin fine ... because you feel just fuckin fine
Absolutely divine
Hiding behind your shrine
You can only worship a non-diety for so long before God plays ping pong with your skull
Don't try to play me dull
I'm the doublemint flavor the worlds been missing
And as far as I'm concerned
You're void and null
Cool on me, huh?
That fits into your plan perfectly
"Let's play with her mind"
These chicks seriously get off by jerking me
But it's all gravy ...
Cuz I'm super.
Thanks for asking.

an angry heart

im takin two steps forward
three steps back
ease the fuck up off me
gimme some slack
were all allowed to make mistakes
the funk
we sometimes have no choice but to fake
and at the end of the day
the only one who has to look at me in the mirror is me
same goes for you
so you should be doin everything that you feel is best for you
but you cant expect me not to be upset
cant expect for me to feel no regret
im not really mad at you
i have no reason to be
you made your choices in what you wanted
what you needed
and it turned out that its not me
and thats okay
but i still feel like shit about it
yet and still
ill get over it and past it and way far beyond it
you aint the first horse to buck my ass off into the barnyard
im safe in here for now
and being mad and "blaming" you is what i need to do
so just let me do it
when you read my pissy status messages
feel free to say "screw it"
cuz to be honest
right now, i dont care how you feel about me
love it or hate it
im still gonna shine
you're just a minor speed bump
ill be just fine
in time
now bask in the ambiance of my angry heart

StyleFree'in ...

the lack of love i feel from you to me
is moreso the reflection of the lack of love from me to me
why pour honey in your drink, if its not hot tea?
and if you know i dont know the answer, then why ask me?
if the only time i see the magnificence held within
is when i have your juices on my chin
then i aint worth much then
if me causing you to explode from the inside out
is what its all about
i aint shit
cuz a vibrator or a shower head can give you the same satisfaction
matter fact its some hoes on pch lookin
for work they been askin
they can give you the same damn reaction
i know im flashin
my insecurities just a little
i need love like fat bastard needs victuals
and im starved for affection
its like an 8 hour erection
HARD to deal with
sick of the lame shit
if i've ever seen "weak sauce" this is it
just wanna be down like brandy
cuz you're sweet
like candy
you make me randy
with your talk of college banter
your stories of the hereafter
hell, just hearing your laughter
makes me want you
causes me to taunt you
throughout the night until you let me toss you
up
i just stopped givin a fuck
call me wrecking ball
and be prepared to fall
cuz when me and my bitches step through the door - (say it wit me now)
girlz all pause ...

lol ... freestyles are fun lol